Zelda Zucchini and Tommy Tomato

"Merry Christmas. Do wishes come true at Christmastime? I wish I'd been Barbie", sighed Zelda Zucchini to Tommy Tomato. "Look at her, Tommy". Tommy Tomato had been doing nothing but look at Barbie since they were placed on the shelf at the toy store in September. "Yeah," Tommy sighed. "She's got long legs, lovely hair, clear pale skin and marvelous wardrobe". Zelda shut him up with "And a hunky boyfriend". "Look, Zelda" Tommy explained again "We're toys for kids with carpal tunnel syndrome. We do such good work; we don't need to look good". "Then, how come none of us have sold?" she snapped back. "I've been sitting on this hard wood shelf for three months, it's Christmas Eve, and not one of us have sold."

Tommy Tomato explained that the designer of their line, Carol, had been assigned to create a line of toys around a children's movie. She had taken her French boyfriend to see Ratatouille, a movie about a young man who aspires to be a chef in Paris and is helped by a rat. The cute cartoon characters were all copyrighted, and her boss refused to pay royalties. But the vegetables were public domain. Her boyfriend hated the movie. In desperation, Carol invented Zelda Zucchini and Tommy Tomato along with Edward Eggplant, Oliver Onion and Bitsy Butter: all created after an alcoholic office party. The last three creations were purchased by a manufacturer of sex toys. In that respect, Tommy and Zelda were lucky. The boss was pressured to come up with ANYHING for the Xmas market, so he OK'd the Zucchini and Tomato line for production. Bad mistake.

After that line fell flat, Carol and her boss were fired. Now they worked side by side in the toy store, checking out toys for the kids of competent workers, sweeping the floors and locking up the store at night. Sometimes the designer came by and just stared sadly at Tommy and Zelda. Mostly, though, those two just stared at the line of Barbies flying off the shelves right up until the store closed on Christmas Eve. "Merry Christmas" Tommy wished Zelda. "I need a hug" she complained "Or, at least a few squeezes". The employee Christmas party had gone on forever that night. Carol slept off her booze and frustration in the next aisle, too drunk to drive home.

Just then, the unlocked back door opened silently. A shadowy figure crept in through the open door and headed toward the unlocked cash register. Moments later, the register opened and the bony thief began stuffing his pockets. Carol rolled over and snored once, waking herself. The thief froze at the sound. Hearing no more, he went back to stuffing his pockets from the cash register. Carol crept over to Zelda and Tommy. Silently opening their boxes, she carried them toward the cash register. The thief was counting the twenties, and had just lifted the till to reach the hundreds and fifties, when the designer tossed Zelda and blocked his vision. He fell over backwards over Tommy who rolled under the counter. This triggered the alarm system. The room lit up, sirens blared, and the doors locked. Cameras flickered into life and the thief was caught on tape.

These Christmas Eve alarms brought a tipsy night watchman, then a squad of police. The thief, the designer, Zelda and Tommy spent the night in jail. Carol and the thief had lots of time to talk about their frustrations. The thief was a hungry teenager, the eldest of seven kids born to an addict father and an alcoholic mother. After a review of the store's security arrangements, the company declined to prosecute the hungry teenager who had simply walked in to the store. The police gave him a bag of toys. Carol reached into her purse for a $20 bill for food for his welfare family. The news services picked up the story of the good-hearted police and store employee. The mall food court stores donated food cards to the family. Carol was promoted to store manager. Zelda and Tommy got their pictures in the paper, and went to live with their Carol. Publicity generated by their adventure skyrocketed their line of toys to the top of the post-Christmas sales charts.

"You know what?" Zelda told Tommy. "I don't wanna be Barbie anymore".