I don’t think there’s a guy in the world that could blame me for cheating on her either. What man can get turned on by a woman who harps and gripes about his one little vice in life? Not me, that’s for sure. She went on and on about how I should join AA, that we should seek marriage counseling, read this book, watch that video, and every other thing.

I remember feeling pretty bad after the first time I slapped her. I had tried everything else first, but she just wouldn’t shut up. Fortunately, Jack Daniels helped me forget all about it. That was about the time my memory began deteriorating.

The wall screens the aliens installed more than make up for any alcohol-related memory losses that I’ve suffered over the years. Judging by the amount of coverage, they’ve been watching me for a lot of years. On a planet inhabited by six billion other people, I still have no idea why they find me so interesting. I think we’re all being watched.

I’d always had strange feelings of being followed over the years, but thought that an over-active imagination, or perhaps the booze, was responsible. Now, I know better. The scene on the wall screen has changed, and shows me driving home in my truck one Friday night. Strange lights moved swiftly across the background of the night sky, unnoticed by me were. But when you’re drunk and driving, staying on the road commands more of your attention than strange night lights that may or may not really be there.

I’m still not sure how long they’ve monitored me. The wall screen skips around to different segments of my life, sometimes leaving out weeks or even months at a time. I don’t know why. These aliens really need to get a life.

There’s another scene of my wife and me beginning to run. We’re arguing again, of course. I’m plastered out of my mind because my speech is slurred, and my movements are unsteady. But my wife’s nagging makes me angry and that anger gives me single-minded direction.

The only thing I can think of is shutting her up. Instead of simply slapping her, I punch her in the mouth. She falls to the floor in pain and tears, holding a hand over her bloodied mouth. She discovers a tooth missing and starts crying. Why can’t she just stay quiet? Enraged, I begin to physically express my anger at the cringing figure on the floor. Kicks and punches continue until she falls unconscious.

I remember none of this. It’s like watching a film documentary of some savage stranger. I’m not saying that it didn’t happen, only that I don’t remember any of it. Neither can I remember what happened next. But they say that cameras never lie.

I’m standing – just barely – above the bruised and battered body lying on the floor, breathing heavily, trying to comprehend all that’s just happened. About that time, one of my 10 year-old daughters walks into the room. Naturally, I get angry. She’s supposed to be in bed with her twin sister. She probably would be in bed still if her mother ever took the time to discipline her correctly. Well, that was one problem I could rectify.

The little brat ran to her unconscious mother and began crying. And she yelled. Just like her mother, she yelled – accusing me of starting the fight. I couldn’t stand it. If I don’t take crap from my wife, I certainly wasn’t gonna take it from a snot-nosed brat.

I bent down to slap her when suddenly I became dizzy. I’d felt bad all day – which was why I’d been drinking in the first place – but I felt even worse now. Nausea swept over me, and I saw myself slump to the floor beside my wife. I had passed out.

Even though I was passed out, the aliens made sure the camera continued recording. I watched as we both lay there in a state of unconsciousness for the next 15 minutes. My daughter sat beside her mother, crying and stroking her hair. The other twin came in a few minutes later and began to comfort her sister. Neither of the little tramps was concerned with me.

My wife regained consciousness and looked at me with concern. She checked my pulse and some other vital signs. She said that I had a fever and an irregular heartbeat; the concerned look on her face became more pronounced.

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