He froze, not saying a word as I spun across the yard towards him. I must have miscalculated the turns… and how dizzy they would make me… because I bumped into him. I covered my blunder by kissing his shirt. He was speechless. Just as I had planned.

I clasped his hand in mine and smiled knowingly. “Su camisol es atractiva. Lamo sus zapatos. Quiero ahuecar su fiambre. ¿El café le tendrá?”

He took a step back and coughed, looking a little nervous. He said something that I’m almost certain meant ‘okay’, so I giggled and planted another kiss on his cheek.

“Su elefante me encuentra ofensiva,” I said with a wink.

“I’m sorry, but do you really speak Spanish?”

It never occurred to me that he might speak English. Or that maybe I should’ve hoped he didn’t speak Spanish.

“Sure, all the time. I’m totally into culture. Seriously. I mean, I love tacos.”

“Really?” He stared at me for a moment, before erupting in laughter. So much laughter that his beautiful baby browns started to water. I wasn’t sure whether to be offended, or immediately start making out with him.

“I don’t get it,” I admitted.

“Me either,” he gasped. “A couple weeks ago, I thought I must’ve misheard you. You kept going on about cold turkey. I figured you were some kind of recovering addict.” He wiped the tears from his eyes. “And after what you just said, I thought for a second you might just be imbalanced.”

“I’m just not used to these shoes...”

He burst into another fit of laughter.

“I still don’t understand. What’s so funny?” I had hoped to be killing him softly with my love, not with laughter. My vision of our future did not include a laugh track.

“You really don’t know what you just said?”

I shrugged.

“First you said you liked my camisole, and offered to lick my shoes and fluff my cold cuts. Then you made some weird threat with coffee. But when you added that my elephant found you offensive, I realized you were either really deranged, or really funny.”

My dreams of Juan Valdez started to swirl away into nothingness like too little cream in a cup of black coffee. “Sorry. I was just trying to ask you out.”

I started to leave, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. His arms wrapped around me as he stared deep into my eyes. “Are you kidding? It would be my honor to go on a date with you, senorita. I love a good sense of humor.”

Ephemeral cherubs fluttered about on rays of sunshine, humming “I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts” as I soaked in his gaze. In my life, I’d never known such elation as at that moment. It rivaled even the best mocha. We kissed, and the fluttering cherubs exchanged high fives around our heads.

“So what do you say we get to know each other better over some hot coffee?” I purred.

“How about over some drinks instead? I don’t like coffee all that much.”

The cherubs popped like tiny balloons. I pulled away. “What?”

“I just don’t like the way it tastes.”

“But… but… how can that be?” My mind was racing, spinning donuts in my head and rivaling the somersaults in my stomach. “What about all the coffee I left on your porch?”

“That was from you?” He grinned. “I should be thanking you. It makes for excellent fertilizer. The beds have never looked better.” He gestured to the flower beds in front of his house, and I noticed for the first time how big and colorful all the blossoms were. And how they all kinda smelled like coffee.

All that time, I assumed it was just another sign we were destined for each other.

“That coffee cost me twenty-five dollars a pound, you idiot! You’re not Juan!”

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