Christmas Morning
By: James Rumpel
“Oh, Mommy, Daddy, I love it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” Gloria immediately started ripping open the box she had just unwrapped. Seconds later she was tightly embracing a pair of the most state-of-the-art dolls on the market.
Gloria’s mother looked at her husband and mouthed the word, “How?”
He just shrugged. “Billy, why don’t you open your last gift. It’s behind the Christmas tree.”
Gloria was already playing with her Interactive Counselor Barbie and Low-Self-Esteem Ken by the time Billy dragged his large present into the center of the living room. He ripped the paper off in one motion and screamed with delight.
“Oh my gosh,” he yelled, “Fully Autonomous Fighting Bots!”
While the boy began to pry open the toy’s container, his mother stared at the children’s father.
“Where’d you ever find those toys?”
The father shrugged, “I found some guy on the internet.”
“How much did you have to pay?”
“They ended up being cheaper than the going market,” he replied. “Something about being factory seconds. Something about a minor error in their programming.”
“Dad, watch this,” interrupted Billy. He flipped a toggle switch on the blue bot, setting the attack mode to physical. He then turned the red robot to stealth. The boy placed the blue toy in the center of the room and its adversary behind the sofa. With a flourish, he hit the ‘go’ button on the controller and giggled as he watched the first bot begin searching for its prey.
“What kind of programming error?” asked the mother.
“The guy said the computer chips were assigned wrong. But I figure it shouldn’t make any difference if the two robots are switched.”
Billy watched as the first Fighting Bot moved around the room, searching for its prey. It started moving toward the tree but stopped and turned toward the sofa.
“Do you hear that?” asked Billy. “It sounds like someone’s crying?” Behind the couch, he found the red robot sitting on the ground with its head buried in its clawed hands.
“What the heck.”
As the family looked on. The blue robot approached the other and raised its arms high over its head.
“I don’t know why that one’s crying,” said Billy, “but at least I get to watch it get smashed.”
The attacking robot brought its arms down and encircled its counterpart. “There. There. Everything’s going to be alright,” it said in a deep, synthesized voice.
“What a piece of crap,” shouted Billy.
“I’m sorry,” began his dad. “I don’t know what’s wrong with them. I’ll see if I can find some . . .”
A little girl’s scream interrupted him.
“Mommy! Barbie is choking Ken.”
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