Could be Worse . . .
By: James Rumpel
Charlie Mitchner’s life sucked; always. His existence wasn’t like some biorhythmic pattern of ups and downs. There was no oscillating curve. His life was a continuous downward spiral into the deepest depths of misery.
Charlie picked himself off the sidewalk. He glanced back at the uneven patch of pavement that had instigated his fall, examined the fresh tear in the knee of his pants, and glanced at his wristwatch. Of course, the watch had stopped.
Across the street, the clock in front of the Savings and Loan flashed 11:55, mocking Charlie with each blink. It was bad enough that he had been laid off at the sewage treatment facility but if the bus didn’t get here soon, he’d miss the job interview at the rendering plant.
He leaned forward, searching the street for an approaching bus.
“Excuse me,” said a voice from behind.
Charlie turned to see an odd-looking man. The stranger looked to be in his late twenties just like Charlie, but he was about six inches shorter and very thin. He had long brown hair, most of which was tucked up in a man bun though a few strands hung down by each of his ears. His clothing consisted of a green sweater vest over a faded orange T-shirt, cargo shorts, and flip-flops.
“Let me start by saying how sorry we are,” continue the stranger. “Everything is our fault.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Charlie. “Should I know you?”
“Well, actually, that’s the problem. You should know me. I’m Nicodemus. I’m supposed to be your guardian angel but there was a clerical mix-up.”
Charlie stared at the man, unable to come up with a response.
“You see,” continued Nicodemus, “I was assigned to you but got sent to a different Charlie Mitchner by mistake. Maybe you’ve heard of him. He’s that guy in Des Moines who won the Power Ball twice. He’s also started that crazy dance fad on Tik-Tok.”
“Wait. Hold on. I still have no idea what you are talking about.” Again, Charlie glanced up the street, hoping to see an incoming bus that would free him from this bizarre conversation.
“Surely you know about guardian angels. Everybody gets one to help make important decisions. We give people little nudges in the right direction, subconscious hints. Except, you never got a guardian angel and that other Charlie Mitchner got two. It’s sort of funny if you think about it.”
“I don’t think it’s funny,” replied Charlie. “You mean that if you had been helping me like you were supposed to, I would have won the lottery?”
Nicodemus shrugged. “Probably not the lottery. I had a look at your files, though. There were quite a few times that I would have steered you in a different direction. For instance, remember that cute little blond you had a crush on in high school.”
“Maggie Newkirk.” Charlie smiled at the thought of her.
“I would have pushed into asking her out. The two of you would have made a wonderful couple. Remember when you completely blew your SAT and couldn’t get into college? I would have helped you figure out that you were one line off on the answer sheet or at least convinced you to retake the test.”
Charlie’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Nicodemus, his fists clenched. “So, because you messed up and went to the wrong guy, I’ve missed out on every possible good event in my life?”
“I did say that we are sorry,” said the little man as he took a step back. “But we’re going to make it up to you.”
“How can you make up for the last twenty-eight years. My life has been one steaming abyss of misery.”
Nicodemus grinned. “I love the way you turn a phrase. I could work with that. I bet I could help you write a novel or a screenplay or, better yet, a blog.”
“Well, then get started. Make my life better.”
“It’s not quite that easy,” replied Nicodemus as he took another step back. “There are some hoops we have to jump through. Actually, that’s why I came here to see you. It turns out my immediate superior is in the area. He’s helping a bus driver who works this route. I’m going to go pull him aside and get clarification on what our next step is going to be.”
The clock on the bank read 12:03.
“Go meet with the guy, then,” said Charlie. “Let’s get this thing rolling.”
“It’s going to take a little while. I’ll tell you what, a woman dropped a twenty-dollar bill behind that trash can. Why don’t you pick it up and go to the coffee shop next to the bank? You can get yourself a scone and a mocha. I’ll come and find you after I finish the meeting with my boss.”
“I’ve never had a mocha.”
“Oh, you’re going to love it. You’re going to wish I had been around to get you to try one earlier.”
Charlie turned to look at the garbage can. When he looked back at Nicodemus, there was no sign of his guardian angel.
Expecting to not find anything, Charlie peaked behind the trash can. Sure enough, on the ground was a twenty-dollar bill. Maybe things were about to change. He picked up the money and started toward the coffee shop. That mocha was going to be the first of many new positive experiences.
Charlie didn’t see the bus until it was too late. A passerby saw the accident and screamed.
Nicodemus and his superior who had been in front of the bank, discussing Charlie’s case, both looked up just in time to see the bus crash into Charlie. Nicodemus covered his mouth. His boss shook his head and sighed.
“Oh, no,” said Nicodemus. He watched as the bus driver climbed out of the bus and went to examine Charlie’s body. “Is that your bus driver?”
His supervisor nodded. “And was that your new assignee?”
“I’m afraid so,” answered Nicodemus.
The two angels stood in silence for a moment. Then, in unison, they shrugged and disappeared.
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