Nail
By: Kate MacDonald-Dunbar
My eyes are open, but everything is black. Ouch, I shouldn't have tried to sit up. Was that wood I just bounced my head off? Okay, pause and take stock. Check pockets: That feels like mints, handy. Comb, lip-gloss, credit card. Ah, I have my phone! Right, turn on the flashlight.
No, no! It's a coffin! I'm in a coffin. All my nightmares rolled into one. Buried alive, struggling for breath. I can't die like this. I will not die like this. Okay, don't faint, think.
I dial my boyfriend Brad's number. He answers.
"Yes?"
"Brad, help me, I'm…"
"I know where you are, Jo. I put you there. Did you think I would let you leave me?"
"Brad, it's getting harder to breathe! How long have I been here? How could you put me in a coffin? Please, get me out!"
"Nothing doing. No one will find you, I made sure of that."
"You total dick! You are so going to regret this."
I cut him off, thankful that he had proved he was as stupid as I always thought: He'd left me my phone. I dial 999. As soon as I hear the answering voice, I scream, "Help! I'm buried in a coffin. I don't know where."
"Hold on Ma'am…"
"Hold on? Hold on? Did you hear me? I am in a coffin. Buried alive. Help me!"
"Yes Ma'am, I heard you. I will need some details."
"Here is a detail: I am suffocating, you halfwit."
"There is no need to be rude Ma'am. I can"t help if you don't cooperate."
"Let me explain the situation more succinctly: I am dying slowly using up the rest of the available air giving details to a uniform-wearing moron."
"Can I have your name, Ma'am?"
"How about Ms. The Deceased?"
"Not helpful. Your name?"
"For the love of… Okay, Jo Kerr; date of birth 12th of June 1995, of 125 Sunderland Avenue, currently in a coffin. Anything else?"
"How did you find yourself in a coffin?"
"My ex-boyfriend, Brad, must have drugged me. I called him first and he admitted that he put me here."
"Did you record that conversation?"
"You know what? I didn't. I didn't think I would be hearing someone confess to trying to kill me."
"I've just had another look at your name. Is this a prank call, Ma'am?"
"Do I sound like I'm having fun? Oh, right: Jo Kerr, got you. No, not a prank call. That is my name: Josephine Kerr. I have GPS on my phone. Please, I beg you, track this signal, or whatever it is you do. Get me out of here!"
" I have to inform you of the trouble you will be in if you waste…"
"Get somebody out here to find me right now, or I swear I will haunt you for the rest of your mother…”
"Alright. I'll see if I have a car I can dispatch."
"About damn time. All I need now is my battery to go fl—"
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